VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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