"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
