I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
