Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
