you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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