You're so nebulous sometimes
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
