if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
