I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
