This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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