I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
