Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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