im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
