so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
