What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
