I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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