I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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