stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
