Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
