My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize