I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
