There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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