I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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