Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
