Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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