If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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