I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
