how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize