thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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