Define "chronic" masturbator.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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