he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You're like the curious george of whores
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
