I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Do you still have your period?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize