conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
