I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
