Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
