Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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