i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
