Is it because I queefed?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
