Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
