Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
