Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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