maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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