Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
