I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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