why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
