I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
