Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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