I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
