I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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