is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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