I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
