when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
