he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
this boner is exhausting
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i think my cat just said my name.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
