is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
