forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
