watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
