come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
