I just made out with a guy for $7.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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