ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
