I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
