She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
