I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
