Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
