You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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