so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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