After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
