i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
