Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
