Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
