I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i wish my penis had a tongue
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
