he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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